Why Slip-Ups Happen - And How to Move On Quickly in Sobriety
If you’ve experienced slip-ups in your sobriety, you may have felt regret, shame and defeat. It can feel like ‘it’s all over – you blew it’. But it doesn’t have to feel that way. In fact, we can learn from slip-ups and better prepare ourselves for next time. We can take a slip-up and let it show us how it feels when we drink alcohol – the nausea, headaches and exhaustion. We can see a slip-up as simply part of the journey. No sober journey is linear, after all. It can take many failed attempts at sobriety before it sticks.
What’s a slip-up in sobriety?
A slip-up is when you have gone alcohol-free for a certain period – be that days, weeks or months - and you drink a few glasses of alcohol or go on a bender. Either way, you fall off the wagon.
Why slip ups happen in sobriety
A slip-up often feels like it came out of nowhere. You were enjoying – or working hard on - your sobriety then Wham! An especially bad day at work, a fight with your partner, a night out with boozy girlfriends or just an overwhelming moment of boredom and suddenly you have a drink in your hand. When we underestimate the power of triggers, they can pounce on us seemingly out of the blue. Suddenly all our work in sobriety is forgotten. But the thing about slip ups is they are a wonderful opportunity to learn. I know from my own experience that I had to spend time in the ‘ditch’ as it’s so important for teaching our brain how we feel when we are there. When we are in the middle of a slip up, instead of berating ourselves with negative self talk and self loathing it’s important to pause and notice - how do we feel being there? What caused it? Was it worth it? Did drinking give us what we wanted or do we just feel truly awful. It’s in THIS moment - the pause and recognition that our brain remembers the feeling and helps to prevent us returning to this point.
5 ways to quickly move thorough a slip-up
1. Don’t beat yourself up.
Understand that triggers are powerful, and alcohol is addictive. Your neural pathways are deeply trained to have you reaching for alcohol in times of stress, boredom and excitement. If you beat yourself up and spend too much time feeling worthless and miserable, this can also be a trigger to drink more, to let your sobriety go completely.
A feeling of failing can be crushing, and you may fall deeper and deeper into the slip-up until you are drinking regularly again. So, forgive yourself. You made the wrong decision for you. Let all shame and regret go. Show yourself compassion and kindness.
2. Don’t think this is the end of your sobriety – it isn’t.
Many, many people have several (personally I had MANY!) slip-ups in sobriety before it clicks into place, and you know you’ll commit to long-term sobriety. That number of slip-ups depends on each drinker – it’s deeply personal. And for many, it’s part of the process that we almost HAVE to go through in order to reach our long term goal. It’s a really important part of the journey.
3. Study the trigger.
Write down what happened – exactly. Were you home alone? Were you bored? Were you out with friends? How were you feeling? Left out? Insecure? Anxious? Or did you just want to drink? Study the triggers behind drinking and plan for next time.
That might mean planning to avoid boozy girlfriends on a big night out for a while. It might mean planning a fun night in, so you don’t get bored. It might mean taking extra care of yourself and upping your exercise, so you don’t go looking for extra dopamine hits.
4. Stick to the plan.
Go back to your Why – the REASON you want to be sober. How strong is your Why? Go back to your online community support group (if you don’t have one join mine – The Women’s Wellbeing Collective on Facebook). You’ll find you’re not alone in slip-ups and you’ll get the support you need to get your sobriety back on track.
5. Don’t stop trying.
If you look at a slip-up as learning, rather than failing, you are setting yourself up for long-term success. Learn from the slip-up. Pay close attention to how drinking made you feel, especially the next morning. Shift your mindset back to self- love and self-care and if sobriety is the way you love and care for yourself, make your way back to it.
P.S. Are you struggling to change your relationship with alcohol? Join my 30-Day Alcohol-Free Challenge in October for 30 days of support, information, friendship and connection. This October the theme for the challenge is ‘managing stress without alcohol’ and I have some incredible guest expert speakers coming in to talk to use about this. Read more about it HERE
Join the October Alcohol Free Challenge!
Curious about taking a break from booze? Would like to give your body a chance to detox and reset? Join hundreds of women in my next Alcohol Free Challenge, and get 30 days of information, support and community!