What Mum ACTUALLY Needs On Mother’s Day (it’s not wine)
What does mum actually need on Mother’s Day? Here’s a clue: It’s not wine. Scroll through social media and you’ll find plenty of ideas on what to buy mum. There are fluffy robes and slippers and overwhelmingly – booze dressed up as ‘self-care’. Mummy Wine Culture memes are out in force because Big Alcohol would like mums to believe that self-medicating with alcohol is universal and part of mum ‘culture’. Everyone is doing it.
So, what’s the harm, and what does Mum actually need this Mother’s Day?
To answer this, we need to look at the invisible list mums carry in their minds at all times. The many, many small tasks that need to be done every day. What does it look like? Let’s look at my day …
I’m up at 5 am and by 8 am I’ve walked the dog, been to the gym, doing a load of washing, made breakfast for the family, ironed uniforms, signed school notes, cleaned cereal off the bench, made lunches and sent the kids off to school. Then, I’m chained to my desk working until I hear the children coming back into the house. I brace myself for what’s to come: Homework, dinner, check-in with my elderly mum, last-minute birthday wrapping, online food shopping for the dinner party we are hosting, and maybe a minute to sort out the washing that’s been sitting in the basket for 5 days…
It's relentless. No wonder we’re all searching for a release.
The stress, overwhelm, and juggling to keep all the plates spinning with unrelenting demands being placed on us from every direction takes its toll. No wonder we are all searching for a release. a moment of quiet, where all the noise stops, the invisible list magically floats away and we can just Be without all the pressure and expectations that weigh on us so heavily. What is it that most of us turn to for that release?
Wine.
Why wine is NOT what mum actually needs
What starts as an innocent, pleasant glass to soothe away the troubles of the day can, and does, transform into a much-needed crutch. From there, that alluring and somewhat innocent glass is quickly replaced by something more sinister: Dependency. Addiction. Reliance. The demographic of those experiencing alcohol use disorder is not the stereotypical homeless man on the bench.
It’s middle-class professional women who are juggling more than any generation before and have nothing else in their toolkit to soothe their over-worked and over-stressed nervous system. For me, insomnia, anxiety, shame, regret, lack of memory, bloated face, weight gain, low mood, and dramatic loss in self-esteem all took a toll as the drinking crept up. But how could it be the alcohol causing all this when we are told it’s the solution? Everywhere you turn – social media, billboards, our friends, magazines… Everywhere we look is the message that an evening drink is a perfect way for mums to relax, unwind and switch off.
So what does Mum actually need?
Mums need to recognize the pressure they are under, give themselves a break and seek help. They need to delegate more chores, tasks, and the Invisible List to their partners. They need to recognize what is too much for them and how to re-order the way they juggle the day. Most of all, mums need to understand themselves and what will genuinely, naturally soothe their nervous system (instead of wine).
Is it meditation? More sleep? Better diet?
Mums need to tune into their stress and anxiety and stop numbing and “switching off” from it with wine because it’s a vicious cycle. It makes it worse the next day.
What to give mum for Mother’s Day? A blank piece of paper and a pen and let her write down where she needs your help and what will soothe her nervous system. Then help her.
Xx Sarah
P.S. My signature program - Rediscovering Me is now open for enrollment! You can check out this popular program HERE. And don’t forget to join my online community of wonderful, supportive women over at The Women’s Wellbeing Collective if you haven’t already!