How to Tackle Sobriety When You Come From a Boozy Family
When you come from a boozy family tackling sobriety can be difficult. Your family may not understand your decision not to drink. They may get defensive. They may doubt your decision. They may erode your confidence.
How to tackle it? Especially when Christmas and family gatherings loom closer and closer?
It takes a little planning of what to say – and what NOT to say. But you can get through family gatherings sober.
You may even inspire them!
Let’s take a closer look…
How to tackle sobriety when you come from a boozy family
1. Have your ‘Why’ ready
The first question that pops up among a family of drinkers when you tell them you are sober is ‘Why?’
For many, they won’t understand. If you’ve always been a drinker with your family, they may doubt how serious you are about your sobriety. Have your Why ready to go so you can easily and confidently give them an answer. Then, don’t feel you need to over-explain.
Your answer could be:
“I want to see how sobriety feels.”
“This feels right for me, I’m taking it day by day.”
“I want to see what impact not drinking has on my mental health and sleep.
“I’m giving myself a break from drinking for a while.”
“I’m on a health kick and giving up drinking feels right.”
2. Expect some defensiveness
There’s nothing like someone else’s sobriety to bring up defensiveness in a drinker. Especially when it’s your family.
Your sobriety may bring on defensive comments like:
“I only drink on weekends.”
“I only have a couple.”
“I can quit whenever I want too, but I don’t want to!”
Remember, you are only in charge of YOU. You are not in charge of other people’s reactions and emotions.
3. Try not to preach
At this point, it’s hard not to spill all the information about alcohol and its impact on health – physical and mental. No doubt you’ve done your homework (or read my blog!) and know that alcohol affects anxiety, sleep, and our mood.
Because our society is so alcohol-centric, people aren’t always happy to listen to the truth. It presents a mirror of their own health they may not want to look at.
Try not to preach. It generally only leads to arguments.
4. There may be subtle manipulation.
You may be told by your family that two drinks a day is good for you. Or that red wine is full of antioxidants! That there’s nothing wrong with moderate drinking.
That being sober is extreme, uncalled for and anti-social. That you should have AT LEAST ONE glass of champagne at Christmas. Because it’s Christmas!
Just stay calm, keep breathing, maintain your boundaries and offer a quiet but confident “No thanks”.
5. Be aware that people are triggers too
Certain people in our family can be triggers. Strong triggers.
If you bond with your mum with a glass of bubbles when you get together, your get-together this year may feel different. Just being around her in her home may be a strong trigger for you to drink.
Be prepared by bringing a bottle of AF bubbles. Watch out for family members who are strong triggers and prepare yourself.
6. Always have a drink in hand
Your family will stop asking you if you’d like a drink if you already have one in your hand. Keep your AF drinks close by and keep your glass in your hand.
This helps when you first arrive at a family gathering. Pop an AF drink in your hand and when people ask you if you have a drink say, “All good, I have one.”
7. Leave early
If you come from the kind of boozy family that slides into messiness at 8 pm then it’s okay to leave the party early. Plan to be the driver and make your escape before relatives start getting sloppy.
Is it possible to inspire a boozy family?
YES!
If you have a supportive family that watches you successfully navigate long-term sobriety – and cheers you on - you will inspire them. They may even want to join you!
Here’s the thing: We often resort back to our 16-year-old self around our family. That means it can be hard setting boundaries – as a grown adult – but if you stick to them and your family can clearly see you won’t be persuaded, the faster they’ll accept your decision.
P.S. If you need help giving up alcohol, I’m always here to provide support. Book a FREE Discovery Call with me and let’s see if I can help.
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