Why Your Dreams Are Coming Back

There was a time when I would have told you I was a great sleeper, because I would pour a couple of glasses of wine in the evening, feel myself soften into the night, crawl into bed and be asleep within minutes, no tossing, no turning, no overthinking, just out like a light.

At the time, it felt like a win, and I genuinely believed it was working for me.

Looking back now, I can see it very differently, because I was not really falling asleep, I was sedating myself, and there is a big difference between the two.

What I did not realise then is that even though my body was technically asleep, my brain was missing out on some of the most important work it is designed to do every single night, and I see this all the time now with women in their forties and beyond, especially those moving through perimenopause or menopause, who are already dealing with disrupted sleep, night waking, temperature changes, and a nervous system that feels a little more sensitive than it used to.

When alcohol is added into that mix, even in small amounts, it can quietly make things worse, even if it feels like it is helping in the moment.

Alcohol can help you fall asleep faster, but it also suppresses REM sleep, which is the stage where most of our dreaming happens and where the brain processes emotions, regulates stress, and makes sense of the day.

This means that even if you are in bed for eight hours, your brain is not moving through the full sleep cycle properly, and over time that lack of proper REM sleep can show up in ways that feel very familiar to many women at this stage of life, like increased anxiety, mood swings, brain fog, irritability, or that underlying feeling of being slightly off and not quite yourself.

It is very easy to put that down to hormones alone, which of course are playing a role, but alcohol is often quietly amplifying it.

What I noticed when I stopped drinking was that things did not instantly become perfect, but they did start to change, and one of the first shifts was that my dreams came back, and not quietly either, they were vivid, emotional, sometimes completely random, and at times a little confronting, and I remember thinking, where have these been all this time?

The answer is actually quite simple, because when alcohol is removed, REM sleep starts to come back online and the brain begins to rebalance, which means it is finally able to do the work it has been trying to do all along.

It is important to understand that dreaming is not random or meaningless, it is actually a continuation of your thinking, just in a different form, because during the day you process your thoughts in words and logic, but at night your brain shifts into symbols, images and emotions, allowing you to work through things more deeply and more honestly.

This is why dreaming matters, especially in this stage of life, because there is often more going on emotionally, physically and mentally, and your brain needs that space to process it.

It also explains why, when you stop drinking, things can feel a little more emotional at times, because your brain is no longer being dulled or interrupted, it is finally allowed to do its job again.

There is another type of dream that tends to show up, and it can catch you off guard if you are not expecting it, often referred to as a “drinking dream”, where you are not drinking in real life but in the dream, you are, and it can feel incredibly real.

You might wake up feeling confused, disappointed, or even slightly panicked before realising it was only a dream, and I have had them myself, so I know how convincing they can feel.

This is not something to worry about, because what is happening is that your brain is processing old patterns, revisiting something that used to be familiar and, in some ways, replaying those pathways without you acting on them in real life, which is part of the rewiring that is taking place.

It does not mean you want to drink, and it does not mean you are going backwards; it simply means your brain is working through something that used to be part of your routine, and over time these dreams tend to settle as those patterns weaken.

If you are reading this and thinking that you are not dreaming at all, that does not mean your brain is not doing this work, because we all dream multiple times a night whether we remember it or not, it simply means your brain is still settling into a new rhythm, especially if you are also navigating hormonal changes at the same time.

This is not just about sleep, and it is not just about dreams. This is about what is happening underneath.

It is about your brain finally having the space to process, regulate and support you in a much deeper way, especially at a stage of life where that support matters more than ever.

Once you understand that, those changes, even the uncomfortable ones, begin to make more sense, and instead of feeling like something is wrong, they can be seen for what they are.

A sign that things are starting to work again, even if it does not feel perfect yet.

By: Caitlin Behrens