Why You Crave Wine When You’re Stressed - And What to Do Instead

You’ve had a long day.

Your brain has had approximately 77,000 tabs open. Work. Kids. Emails. Appointments. Dinner. The thing you forgot to buy. The message you haven’t replied to. The ageing parent you need to call.

You haven’t really stopped since you woke up.

And then 5pm arrives.

“God, I need a glass of wine.”

Sound familiar?

For years, this was me.

I could wake up in the morning absolutely determined that I wasn’t going to drink that night. But by 5pm, after a stressful day, all those good intentions seemed to disappear.

I thought I lacked willpower.

What I eventually discovered was that there was something much more interesting going on.

My brain had learned that alcohol was the fastest exit from stress.

And once I understood that, it completely changed the way I thought about drinking.

Why alcohol feels SO good when you’re stressed

When we’re stressed, our sympathetic nervous system - our fight-or-flight response - becomes activated.

Your heart might beat faster.

Your jaw clenches.

Your muscles tighten.

Your breathing becomes faster and shallower.

You become impatient and snappy.

You find it difficult to switch off.

And for many women, this isn't something that happens occasionally.

We're living there.

We’re juggling work, children, relationships, ageing parents, finances, households, social commitments and the enormous mental load that comes with modern life.

It can create what I describe in this week's episode of Stronger, Bolder, Wiser as “stress that doesn't look like stress.”

You're functioning.

You're going to work.

You're getting dinner on the table.

You're remembering the appointments.

You're turning up.

But internally?

You're wired but tired.

You're rarely completely present.

And you never really switch off.

So when your brain discovers something that can change that feeling quickly, it remembers it.

And alcohol works quickly.

That's important to acknowledge.

For a short period, alcohol can make us feel calmer and more relaxed.

Which is exactly why the association becomes so powerful:

Stress → wine → relief.

Do that often enough and your brain learns:

When I feel like this, THIS is what makes me feel better.

The problem is that alcohol borrows calm from tomorrow

This is the part I wish I'd understood years ago.

Alcohol might make you feel calmer tonight, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's reducing your underlying stress.

In fact, it can create the opposite effect.

As I explain in the episode, alcohol initially produces that feeling of calm, but your brain is constantly trying to maintain equilibrium.

So it responds by ramping up its excitatory systems.

Which can contribute to that familiar next-day experience:

The 3am wake-up.

The racing thoughts.

The anxiety.

The overthinking.

The lack of confidence.

The feeling that everything is somehow harder than it should be.

I remember this so clearly.

I didn't necessarily wake up thinking, “I'm incredibly anxious because I drank last night.”

It was much more subtle than that.

I'd second-guess myself.

I'd replay conversations.

I'd worry about things I'd said.

My internal voice became more negative.

And I simply didn't feel like myself.

The irony was that I would then reach the end of another stressful day and want the very thing that had contributed to me feeling worse.

Stress → alcohol → temporary relief → increased anxiety/stress → alcohol.

And that is how the loop becomes so powerful.

Maybe you don't need wine. Maybe you need an OFF switch.

This was one of the biggest revelations for me.

Sometimes when we say:

“I need a drink.”

What we're really saying is:

I need everyone to stop needing something from me.

I need my brain to be quiet.

I need to stop thinking.

I need a transition between work and home.

I need comfort.

I need a reward.

I need to feel calm.

I need an OFF switch.

And when alcohol has been your off switch for 10, 20 or 30 years, of course your brain is going to suggest it when you're overwhelmed.

But here's the brilliant bit:

Your brain can learn another way.

You can rewire the stress → wine connection

I've now been alcohol-free for seven years.

And today, when something stressful happens, drinking genuinely doesn't occur to me.

That isn't because my life is never stressful.

It isn't because I've developed superhuman willpower.

It's because I've spent years creating different pathways.

Instead of:

Stress → alcohol

I've developed a whole toolkit of ways to regulate myself.

And in this week's podcast episode, I share seven of my favourites.

They include taking tiny “low-gear” breaks throughout the day rather than waiting until you're completely depleted at 5pm; getting outside and walking; using your breath to help calm your body; replacing the 5pm drinking ritual with something alcohol-free; acknowledging a craving rather than fighting it; using movement, shaking or even a kitchen dance party to shift your state; and finding calming, tactile activities that help you move out of constant stimulation.

LISTEN TO THE EPISODE HERE →  on Apple Podcast, Spotify or on Youtube

One of the simplest things you can start doing is noticing the moment you think:

“I need a drink.”

And instead asking:

“What do I actually need right now?”

That question can change everything.

What could change if you gave yourself 30 days?

If you've noticed that alcohol has become your reward, your stress relief, your way of switching off or simply a habit you're increasingly questioning, you don't need to make a decision about forever.

You don't need a label.

You don't need to hit rock bottom.

And you don't need to wait until your drinking gets “bad enough” to do something about it.

You can simply get curious.

What would happen if I gave myself 30 days without alcohol?

How would I sleep?

How would my anxiety feel?

What would my mornings be like?

Would I have more energy?

Would my mood change?

Would I feel more confident?

And perhaps most importantly:

Who might I become if I learned that I can handle stress without needing a glass of wine?

Join me for an Alcohol Reset this October

If this has resonated with you, I'd love you to join me for my 30-Day Alcohol Reset October Challenge.

This isn't about white-knuckling your way through 30 days.

And it certainly isn't about me telling you to “just don't drink”.

It's about understanding why you drink in the first place and building the tools to do something different.

You'll be surrounded by women doing exactly the same thing, with me and my team of coaches supporting you along the way.

We'll help you navigate the 5pm cravings, stressful days, social situations, partners who still drink, changing habits and all those moments when the little voice says:

“Go on. Just have one.”

I've now supported more than 12,000 women to change their relationship with alcohol, and what I love most isn't simply hearing that they've lost weight, saved money or have brighter skin.

It's when they tell me:

“Sarah, I just feel so much happier.”

That's what I want you to experience.

You don't have to decide what happens after the 30 days.

Just give yourself October.

Come and discover what changes when alcohol is no longer your answer to stress.

JOIN THE 30-DAY ALCOHOL RESET OCTOBER CHALLENGE

And if you'd like to understand more about why stress makes us crave alcohol - and hear the seven tools I now use instead - listen to this week's episode of Stronger, Bolder, Wiser: 7 Ways to Handle Stress Without Wine (When Everything Feels Like Too Much)

Listen on Apple Podcasts, listen on Spotify or watch on Youtube

It might completely change the way you think about that 5 pm glass of wine.