Why Stress is Our Biggest Trigger to Drink & What to Do to Stay Sober on Our Hardest Days
Stress. It’s the silent force that wears us down, chips away at our patience, and makes us crave an easy escape. For many of us, that escape was alcohol. Whether it was a glass of wine after a long day or an attempt to numb deep-seated worries, drinking became our go-to stress relief. But when we quit drinking, we must face stress head-on—and that can feel overwhelming.
If stress is your biggest trigger to drink, you’re not alone. The link between stress and alcohol use is well-documented, and understanding why stress makes us crave a drink is key to staying sober, especially on our hardest days. The good news? There are powerful tools you can use to navigate stress without reaching for alcohol.
Why Stress Makes Us Want to Drink
Our brains are wired to seek comfort when we feel overwhelmed. Stress activates the body’s fight-or-flight response, flooding our system with cortisol, the stress hormone. In the short term, alcohol may seem like the perfect antidote—it slows down the nervous system, creates a feeling of relaxation, and dulls emotional pain.
But here’s the catch: alcohol doesn’t actually relieve stress. It temporarily numbs the discomfort, but it also depletes serotonin and disrupts our ability to regulate emotions over time. That means that the next day (or even just a few hours later), we feel even more stressed, anxious, and emotionally drained.
This creates a vicious cycle: we drink to relieve stress, but alcohol itself increases stress levels, making us crave another drink. When we break free from this cycle, we need new ways to manage stress—ones that truly help, not just provide temporary relief.
How to Stay Sober When Stress Hits Hard
So what do we do instead? When stress makes us want to drink, we need a plan—one that helps us handle the hard days without slipping back into old habits. Here are practical strategies to help you stay sober, even when stress is at its peak.
1. Pause and Identify What’s Really Happening
When stress hits, take a deep breath and ask yourself: What am I actually feeling? Is it frustration? Overwhelm? Fear? Exhaustion? Often, we reach for alcohol out of habit before we even pinpoint the true emotion driving our cravings. Once you name the feeling, you can deal with it in a healthier way.
2. Create a Sober Stress-Relief Ritual
If alcohol was your go-to stress reliever, you need a new ritual that provides comfort. Try replacing the evening wine ritual with a new routine—one that genuinely soothes your nervous system. This could be:
A hot shower or bath
Journaling out your frustrations
Drinking a calming herbal tea
Going for a brisk walk
Listening to music that shifts your mood
The key is consistency. Just like alcohol became a habit, your new ritual needs to be something you can turn to automatically when stress strikes.
3. Move Your Body to Shake Off Stress
Physical movement is one of the fastest ways to process stress. Exercise lowers cortisol levels and increases endorphins, the feel-good chemicals that alcohol falsely promises. You don’t need an intense workout to feel the benefits. Even five minutes of stretching, deep breathing, or stepping outside for fresh air can make a huge difference.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, try:
A quick walk around the block
A few rounds of deep belly breathing
Dancing to an upbeat song
A slow, mindful yoga session
4. Connect with Someone Who Supports Your Sobriety
Stress often isolates us, making us feel like we have to carry everything alone. But sobriety thrives in connection. When the urge to drink hits, reach out to someone you trust—a sober friend, a coach, or an online community like my free Facebook group The Women’s Wellbeing Collective. Just talking about what you’re feeling can break the power of stress and remind you that you’re not alone.
5. Remind Yourself of Your Why
In stressful moments, it’s easy to romanticize drinking, forgetting the reasons you quit in the first place. Keep a reminder of your “why” somewhere visible—a note on your phone, a sticky note on your mirror, or a journal entry you can read when cravings hit.
Your “why” might be:
Your health and wellbeing
Your family and relationships
The clarity and energy you’ve gained in sobriety
The freedom from hangovers and regret
Hold onto your why like a lifeline when stress makes you want to give up.
6. Plan Ahead for Hard Days
We can’t always predict when stress will hit, but we can prepare for it. Make a list of stress-management tools you can use when things get tough. Have a plan in place so that when you’re overwhelmed, you don’t have to think—you just follow your strategy.
Your plan might include:
Calling a friend or support person
Going for a walk or run
Doing a quick meditation or breathing exercise
Writing down your feelings instead of bottling them up
The more prepared you are, the easier it is to navigate stress without alcohol.
You Are Stronger Than Your Triggers
Stress is inevitable, but drinking doesn’t have to be. Every time you face a stressful moment without reaching for alcohol, you’re proving to yourself that you are stronger than your triggers. Sobriety isn’t about avoiding stress—it’s about learning how to handle it in ways that truly serve you.
The hardest days are the ones that build your resilience. Every time you get through stress without drinking, you gain confidence in your ability to handle life on your own terms. And that is the real freedom—knowing you don’t need alcohol to cope, no matter how tough things get.
So take a deep breath. You’ve got this. One moment, one choice at a time.
I’ve devoted an entire chapter to stress in my book Beyond Booze How To Create A Life You Love Alcohol Free. You can find it here. Also, download my FREE GUIDE 100 Things To Do Instead Of Drinking.