Why Sober Sex feels different (and how to enjoy it)

Why Sober Sex feels different (and how to enjoy it)

There are many reasons why sober sex feels different. You’re more connected with your partner, communication is clearer and best of all, no waking up the next morning with regrets or shame!

BUT - there may also be nerves, a feeling of vulnerability and self-consciousness about your body.

Alcohol may lessen our inhibitions in the moment but it also acts as a depressant on our nervous system, effectively lowering our sensitivity. That means while it’s easier to ‘get in the mood’, we FEEL it less. There’s something empowering about being IN your body and fully present with your partner. But that takes some practice too.

If you’re new to sober sex, you might be feeling...

  • Unexpected shyness

Alcohol dramatically reduces our inhibitions so feeling shy about sex now that you are fully present for it is normal. 

  • Self-consciousness

If we have body issues or even just SOME self-consciousness around our bodies then lights-on sober sex is going to make you feel self-conscious. 

  • Vulnerable

There’s a vulnerability around sober sex because we are being fully present with the situation, ourselves, and our partner, in the moment. We are literally baring all. We are allowing our partner to see us, in our most exposed state, so OF COURSE, this might make you feel a little vulnerable.

Despite this, more and more singles are opting to take off the beer goggles and try sober dating - and sober sex. With bars closed due to lockdowns this year, many singles started reassessing how they meet people and the impact alcohol has on romantic decision-making. 

According to a survey of 1000 Australians by dating app Bumble, one in five people don’t want to drink on dates post-lockdown and three quarters believe sober dating leads to better connections.

Does that mean sober sex is on the rise? 

Yes, yes, yes! The pandemic has shown us we need to be mindful of our mental and emotional health and life doesn’t happen in and around a bar. Many of us are preferring to meet for coffee or go for a walk in a park instead. It’s about clarity and confidence.

When it comes to intimacy, many new couples prefer to stay sober and ‘awake’ to the experience.

Sober dating and sober sex are on the rise because singles are simply learning to take better care of themselves and prioritise their mental and emotional health. Staying sober allows them to be fully present and make romantic decisions in a clear and connected way. 

How to enjoy sober sex

  • Talk more. Even talk about your fears around sober sex. Talking about it diffuses the tension and will bring you closer.

  • Go slow. If sober sex is new, don’t push yourself to dive right in, take your time and work up to it.

  • Clearly communicate what you want to happen. Voice your desires and needs.

  • Give yourself to the moment, be fully present, get out of your head and move into your body.

  • Have fun, sex isn’t meant to be serious!

Much love,

Sarah xx


Download my Free Guide - Guide To Taking a Break From Booze

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