Why can’t I moderate my drinking?
If you’ve asked yourself “Why can’t I moderate my drinking?” you may have found yourself in an unhappy cycle of attempting to stop at one glass and finishing the bottle – every time.
But why can’t we moderate our drinking – once we’ve started drinking alcohol?
Alcohol itself makes moderation difficult. From that first sip, alcohol affects your brain in two ways that makes moderation almost impossible for many of us.
Why it sometimes feels impossible to moderate
Alcohol impairs your judgement and memory by blocking your normal neurotransmitters.
You get a false feeling “One more drink will be fine” – when really, it often isn’t. We don’t like the feeling of the alcohol wearing off (which often leaves us feeling worse than before we even had the first drink) so we are left playing catch up and trying to relieve the impact of the first drink which often leaves us feeling anxious and tired.
Alcohol boosts dopamine levels so you feel great at first and you want to KEEP feeling great – with another glass.
It also alters other brain chemicals which then leave you feeling anxious and depressed both immediately after the effects of the first drink and also the next day (have you heard the term ‘hangxiety?’ – read my blog on this HERE. This explains why we can end the night in a flood of tears or spend the next day hiding on the sofa feeling withdrawn, anxious and worried.)
5 signs trying to moderate might not be for you…
You set out to have one glass but end up drunk each time.
You try to put rules around drinking or change what alcohol you are drinking in an attempt to ‘moderate’.
You’re preoccupied with alcohol and if you are drinking, you can’t stop thinking about how you’ll get more.
Your drinking is starting to impact your relationships, your work and your self-esteem.
You go out for just a couple of drinks but it ends up being an all-weekend bender that takes days to recover from.
Studies show moderation just isn’t possible for 5% of the population. “Everything in moderation” simply doesn’t apply. This is why so many of us fail to reach goals. The truth is, moderation doesn’t help change habits. It actually delays you from making the real change you might need – cutting out alcohol altogether. If you have issues with alcohol, attempting to moderate drinking is a bit like switching seats on the Titanic – it’s probably going down, regardless.
Can a ‘moderation’ mindset be harmful?
If you truly can’t moderate your drinking, it may be harmful to keep trying. You might simply be perpetuating the cycle. It allows you to justify your drinking by falsely claiming “I’m trying to moderate” and yep, keep on drinking.
It might be a healthier mindset to have a bigger, bolder goal – like sobriety. Sobriety can feel like a relief when you fail at all attempts to moderate.
What else ends when you quit “moderating”?
The bargaining with yourself in your head. Just one tonight, maybe two, then none all week…
Having alcohol on your mind – When’s the next drink and what will it be?
Murky waters with friends and family. They may not be helpful if you are trying to moderate - “But you can have a drink with me!” - but if you tell them you are sober, they’ll accept that (I hope!).
A clear goal. When you quit alcohol you have just one goal: No drinking. When you try to moderate drinking you end up with many goals – not this week, just one, only on Fridays – it goes on. Exhausting!
If you’ve failed many attempts to moderate drinking, don’t beat yourself up. It’s not easy!
Consider instead what your life might be like without that inner battle over drinking. Easier, healthier, lighter? Personally, it’s all those things – and more.
Much love,
Sarah xx
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