Understanding and Navigating the Three Stages of Sobriety to Create Your Best Life

There is absolutely no denying it – the early part of sobriety is the hardest in terms of those physical cravings. It’s a time of headaches, cravings, and feeling like alcohol is all you can think about. This is Stage One of sobriety, and it’s exhausting. However, Stage One passes. It gets easier. There are three distinct stages of sobriety. Understanding these stages can help you navigate the path to a healthier, alcohol-free life.

Let me show you the three stages of sobriety and how to get through each one.

Stage One: The First Few Weeks

The first stage of sobriety is often the most intense. You're breaking long-established habits, rewiring neural pathways, and enduring what can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. This period is sometimes referred to as "white-knuckling" because it requires immense planning and behavioural change to resist the urge to drink. Often my clients will tell me their sobriety feels like a full-time job. You are literally ‘hanging on’.

Many people struggle the most in this part and they keep repeating it over and over again. They make the mistake of believing that how hard it is at the start is how hard it is forever. They can’t yet see the light at the end of the tunnel and it can feel overwhelming, all consuming and exhausting.

I know – I repeated this stage so many times in the 2 years where I was trying to change my relationship with alcohol. I didn’t realise it then but what I know now is that I was just repeating the hardest part over and over again. I wish I’d had more people to tell me that it DOES get easier and to offer me the tools to navigate this stage more successfully. I’m happy to tell you this stage is NOT forever and you only have to do it once! And once you’re through it that’s it!

What to consider:

• Physical and Mental Strain
  During this stage, the body and brain are adjusting to the absence of alcohol. This can result in withdrawal symptoms such as anxiety, insomnia, and irritability. Studies show that these symptoms typically peak within the first 72 hours and gradually diminish over the next week.
  

• Neuroplasticity
  Your brain begins to undergo neuroplastic changes, adapting to new, healthier habits. This is a critical period for developing new coping strategies and recognizing triggers that lead to drinking.
  

• Building that sober muscle
  It’s important to remember that every time we don’t drink when we have a craving, we are building and strengthening that sober muscle. The ONLY way to get to the best part of alcohol free living is to go through this part. It’s tough. There’s no denying it. But honestly, this discomfort is the foundation of your sobriety. Know that it will pass and visualise that sober muscle getting stronger with every craving you don’t succumb to.
  
  

How to Get Through Stage One:

• Recognise Triggers
  Identify situations, emotions, or people that trigger the urge to drink. Create strategies to avoid or cope with these triggers.
  

• Build Healthy Habits
  Now is the time for an exercise routine, practicing mindfulness, and establishing a sleep routine that supports your sobriety. I talk about HOW to do this in my best selling book Beyond Booze. You can order it HERE
  

• Get Support
  Joining a support group or program online – like my 30-Day Alcohol Free Program- can provide the encouragement and accountability needed to stay on track. My 30-Day Alcohol-Free program has helped thousands of women from all over the world to navigate this challenging phase.
  
  

Stage Two: Settling into an Alcohol-Free Life

By the time you reach Stage Two, you've likely collected a toolkit of resources to handle cravings, which have generally weakened. This stage is often characterized by a sense of euphoria and newfound energy, sometimes called the "Pink Cloud."

Here’s what you might be noticing…

• Physical Improvements
  Many people experience improved sleep, clearer skin, and increased energy levels during this stage. These physical changes can boost your confidence and motivation.
  

• Mental Clarity
  Without the fog of alcohol, you can start to think more clearly and make decisions that align with your true desires and values.

How to Get Through Stage Two:

• Embrace the Pink Cloud
  Enjoy this period of clarity and energy, but also be prepared for deeper self-reflection. Continue with the routine and resources that have supported you so far – movement, sleep, connection, education and use journaling as a tool for self reflection.

• Stay focused, don’t get complacent
  It’s during this stage that the nagging voice of the wine witch might pop up. She starts whispering in our ear “Oh you weren’t THAT bad, you could just have one, one won’t hurt.” This is called Faded Affect Bias where the brain starts romanticising alcohol because everywhere we look, we still see messaging and marketing that alcohol is essential for fun, self care and relaxation.

  Keep leaning into your community, quit lit books, sober podcasts. I see so many women slip up when this happens believing they will be able to moderate but quickly realising they can’t and they are back at stage one. Stay connected to your WHY and remind yourself, ‘when have I ever enjoyed just having one? Will it REALLY just be one?’

• Ask Bigger Questions
  This is a time to explore what truly makes you happy and how you want to spend your time as well as who you are without alcohol. Many women have no idea of this. Alcohol has been ingrained in their identity for year. My Rediscovering Me program can guide you through this exploration, helping you remember who you were before alcohol became a part of your life or discovering who you are as the woman you are today.

  Many women tell me they don’t know how people manage to stay alcohol free without doing this program and the deeper, thought provoking work it offers. I will be running this next in August 2024, add your name to the waitlist if you are interested.
  
  

Stage Three: Peeling Back the Layers

After about a year of sobriety, you enter Stage Three, where the focus shifts to deeper self-discovery. This stage is about uncovering the reasons behind your drinking and addressing the underlying issues.

Keep in mind…

• Psychological Growth
  Studies indicate that long-term sobriety is associated with improved mental health, increased self-esteem, and better relationships.
  

• Boundary Setting
  As you peel back the layers, you begin to set healthy boundaries and trust your inner wisdom. This process can be both confronting and liberating.
  

• Rebalancing of neurotransmitters
  It takes 72 hours for alcohol to leave the body. It takes up to 2 years for the neurotransmitters in our brain to fully restore and rebalance after years of alcohol use. We can support this through a number of ways: great food with lots of protein, regular exercise, stress management, prioritising sleep, supplements if required (all of this is discussed in detail in my book Beyond Booze).

• Life Changes
  It’s often in the 2nd year of sobriety that I see women go on to make bigger decisions about their life and what they want. There is a famous statement in the sober world not to make any rash decisions in the first year of sobriety but by the 2nd year we are often ready to consider what we want to change – this might be returning to study, confronting issues in relationships, planning a house or location move, adding in new hobbies, planning for the future.
  
  

How to Get Through Stage Three:

• Show Compassion
  Be kind to yourself as you confront past traumas and mistakes. Practicing self-compassion is crucial for healing. Seek help if required. Going into therapy was the greatest gift I ever gave myself.
  

• Trust Your Inner Wisdom
  Learn to listen to your intuition and make decisions that align with your values.
  

• Create a Fulfilling Life

  Use this stage to design a life that brings you joy and fulfillment. This is your one precious life! Create a life you love that you no longer want to escape from.
  

• Somatic Therapy is Incredible
  Find what works for you – breathwork, yoga, trauma release exercise. Experiment to see what your body responds to and build a practise of deep nervous system regulation.
  

• Find a community: My membership The Midlife Hub offers support, community, and friendship to help navigate long-term sobriety and create a fulfilling, rich and purposeful life.
  
  

Each stage presents its own challenges, but with the right support and resources, you can successfully navigate them. If you're curious about my programs, you can find more information here.