I fell hard for the Mummy Wine Culture Myth
When I shared my experience of the mummy wine culture in the major Australian publication, MamaMia, I was overwhelmed by the response from thousands of women who contacted me to say ‘That’s my story too.’
Women who, like me, had noticed their alcohol consumption slowly but surely creeping up after having children, where the days blur into one and weekdays are no different to Friday nights. 5 pm any day quickly becomes Wine O’clock and before I knew it, that was most days.
The article ‘Mummy what happened to your face?’ detailed the morning I woke up from a friend’s 40th birthday party with cuts and bruises on my face having fallen face-first onto concrete.
I’d been drinking before the party and polished off a bottle of champagne before I even got there then carried on with shots, champagne and shiraz. I woke the next morning to my 5-year-old daughter standing over my bed asking what happened to my face. The shame I felt the next day was completely overwhelming. I spent the day on the couch, too shaky to drive my son to his 8 am cricket match. I kept thinking ‘There has to be another way of living!’.
What happens when a party girl becomes a parent?
I’d been a heavy drinker since my teens. Unlike most of my friends, I never seemed to know when to stop. I’d be the one ordering the shots, wanting to stay out longer and never wanting the party to end. When I became a parent, wine became my crutch, a ‘friend’ and a way to ‘take the edge off’.
My life had changed beyond recognition – gone were the weekends in Paris or New York, the dinners in fancy restaurants and a packed social life on top of a rewarding, busy and challenging job as Director of a recruitment firm. We moved from London to Australia and suddenly I was home alone with no friends or family close by, 2 children under 2, a husband out working all day and little time for myself. My evening wine became something I looked forward to more and more.
My mental health started to suffer but I didn’t make the link between alcohol and constant feelings of overwhelm and anxiety. I thought I needed the wine to soothe my anxiety – turns out it was causing it. Mummy wine culture makes you feel like drinking wine to ‘cope’ is part of the role - and completely acceptable. I didn’t need telling twice that I ‘deserved’ that evening wine.
How Mummy Wine Culture sucks us in
Funny memes and slogans depicting Mummy Wine Culture are everywhere. You’ve seen a wine glass with ‘Mummy’s Sippy Cup’ or ‘Mummy’s Juice’ written across it. Or a baby onesie with ‘Mommy loves me more than wine’ emblazed across it. It’s everywhere. And that’s exactly where Big Alcohol would like it to be.
As a new parent with all the uncertainty, isolation and exhaustion that comes with it, mummy wine culture let me believe I needed wine to connect. And survive. My daughter’s first birthday was more about me getting drunk with my mum friends than celebrating her. Mummy wine culture makes you feel that alcohol is a way of connecting with other mums who share your stresses and challenges. It’s validation for using wine to self-medicate, soothe and ‘take care’ of ourselves.
What’s the harm in Mummy Wine Culture?
Heavy drinking has been popularised by mummy wine culture as a form of self-care for exhausted mums. Of course, alcohol is NOT self-care. The opposite is true. But no one is sharing on social media the other side of the story. The 3 am wake ups, the hangxiety, the low self-esteem, the lack of energy.
After a drinking session, I’d wake up at 3 am, unable to remember the night before, only snippets. Blackouts become more and more frequent. My mental health got worse. I started experiencing anxiety. Alcohol started taking so much more than it was giving.
When I finally got sober, I learned to process my emotions properly. I found new ways to cope with stress. I began to understand my emotions and what I needed and learned slowly but surely how to meet those needs that didn’t involve a wine bottle. I trained as a Grey Area Drinking coach to help other women, just like me, change their relationship with alcohol. And of course, the way I approach parenting has changed. I’m more present and connected. I have energy for activities with the kids. I feel confident and clear.
If you’d like support and more information, you can read about grey area drinking here or join my free online community of wonderful, supportive women over at the Women’s Welling Collective.
xx Sarah
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