How To Uncover Why You Started Drinking in The First Place (and what to do next)
Take a deep dive into your relationship with alcohol and you might see that alcohol wasn’t the ‘problem’. It was a ‘solution’ to a problem that you may have buried deep inside. That may have been a childhood trauma, loneliness, or a lack of self-belief. it may be that it now seems like alcohol is the actual problem, when in fact it was masking the bigger problem.
Let’s look at WHY we drink as a solution to our pain...
For me, I grew up in a family where emotions weren’t openly discussed. My parents did their best, but they didn’t give me the emotional tools to talk about my feelings. It wasn’t modelled to them by their parents either.
For many of us, we watched our own parents drink to cope with life’s stresses and to simply blot out their true emotions. There was no understanding of how to sit with uncomfortable feelings, process them and take care of our own emotional needs.
Alcohol became a ‘solution’ for skipping over painful emotions or masking them. For many of us, with that first glass of wine we notice those uncomfortable feelings diminishing until they’ve completely gone and we’re numb.
Couple this with the marketing that alcohol is something we need to relax, unwind with, feel less lonely, have fun, and socialise with, it’s no wonder we have a generation who struggle to sit with emotions.
Learning to sit with and process emotions has been the hardest part of my sober journey. It can be deeply uncomfortable at first. But knowing that it’s up to ME to find the solution to problems rather than relying on alcohol to mask them has been the most important thing I’ve ever learned.
How to start understanding the problem behind the drinking
1. Therapy
The benefits of successful therapy are literally life changing. The critical thing to remember is that therapy is a collaboration between you and your therapist. To get the most out of it, you need to do the work to really explore when and how your relationship with alcohol became a ‘solution’ to a bigger problem.
2. Journaling
Journaling is a great check-in tool. The idea is to free-write, write as you are thinking, stream-of-consciousness. This is a great way to uncover your thoughts and feelings and address them as you go.
3. Meditation
The act of getting still, uncluttering your mind and letting yourself Be, can be very powerful. Try a meditation app for healing, and notice what comes up for you.
4. Checking in with yourself
Simply asking yourself throughout the day ‘How am I? What do I need right now? Where am I feeling this stress or fear?’ This can tell you a lot about where original problems stem from. Many of us simply can’t manage our stress or fear and the deeper, bigger problem may stem from a feeling of unworthiness. Check in with yourself and show compassion.
5. Self-awareness
Knowing yourself is key to understanding when and how drinking became a problem and why it might still be there. Did you bury a childhood trauma? Did losing a family member send you into a self-destructive cycle? Or, perhaps you’re like me – did you struggle to sit with feeling uncomfortable or alone?
If this feels hard, that’s okay.
Self-awareness is an ongoing endeavour, so go gently. To know when alcohol became a ‘solution’ to a bigger problem will take some deep self-work. If you’d like to join one of my programs or try some one-on-one personalised coaching and go deeper, I’m here to help.
Book a FREE Discovery Call with me. Learn more about grey area drinking here.
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