“Oh come on, you weren’t THAT bad” –How To Make Sure Fading Affect Bias Doesn’t Derail Your Sobriety
If you’ve quit drinking but after a period of around 3-6 months found you’re looking back thinking ‘I wasn’t that bad’ you may be experiencing Fading Affect Bias. A sort of reshuffling of memories so the painful, shameful ones of hangovers and bad nights fade back and the joyful ones around alcohol are front of mind. You start to forget the crushing anxiety and regret and remember instead fun nights and the rush of feel-good dopamine in that first glass.
Fading Affect Bias can derail your sobriety – if you let it. It’s also really common and happens to nearly everyone at some stage in their sober journey.
What to know about Fading Affect Bias and sobriety…
1. The fade back
Fading Affect Bias is when negative, painful memories recede much faster than positive ones. It’s a psychological mechanism that keeps us humans from feeling overwhelmed by the pain and shame of what we’ve experienced in the past. We might remember a bad night, but we don’t feel the shame and regret as harshly.
2. Romancing the past
With enough time hangover-free, you may start romanticising your past drinking days as fun and harmless. At the same time, the initial spark of getting sober might be wearing off and it may feel like a chore. These two together often lead people to consider moderation. They think ‘I’ve proved to myself I can quit, so I can moderate and just have a couple.’
3. If we haven’t replaced alcohol...
Fading Affect Bias can be especially strong if you haven’t filled the void of giving up drinking with new, fulfilling activities. You may still feel like you’ve lost something or you’re missing out. When you give up alcohol it does need to be replaced by other healthier activities or interests. Many people take up exercise, a new hobby, or a social club.
What to do about Fading Affect Bias …
1. Write down the reason you quit drinking in the first place. That’s your Why. Your Why might be about your kids, your relationship, or just your sense of pride in yourself.
2. Write down (in detail) all the things you have gained since giving up drinking. That might include extra finances, fitness, better relationships, and energy.
3. Write down what you are grateful to NOT have in your life anymore. Crushing shame and anxiety, exhaustion, messy arguments, not remembering what you’ve said when you’re out, offending people when you’ve been drinking, guilt about the health impacts of drinking, having to hide your drinking.
When Fading Affect Bias creeps up on you – and it almost always does!– seek a supportive community online or in person. Having people going through the same experience is reassuring, grounding, and motivating.
P.S. Need an extra hand staying sober? You can sign up for my January 30-Day Alcohol-Free Challenge on December 6. If you’d like one-on-one support or you’d like to know more about my programs - all designed to change your relationship with alcohol - Book a FREE Discovery Call with me and let’s see if I can help.
The Alcohol Free Challenge January 2023 opens 6th of December!
Curious about taking a break from booze? Would like to give your body a chance to detox and reset? Join hundreds of women in my next Alcohol Free Challenge, and get 30 days of information, support and community!