6 Ways to Support a Grey Area Drinker (who might be battling in secret)

Many people struggle with alcohol addiction, but not all of them fit the stereotype of "alcoholic” or even present as problematic drinker. They might be high functioning and battling their relationship with alcohol in secret. Grey area drinking is common, and if you suspect someone you love needs help, it’s crucial to offer them empathy, support, and understanding.

But first, what is grey area drinking and what are the signs?

Grey area drinking isn’t rock bottom, but it’s not take-it-or-leave-it drinking either. It’s somewhere in the middle. It’s when a person has a relationship with alcohol. They may not be able to moderate, always try to set rules around their drinking (and break them), and use social events as an excuse to drink more.

They may appear to be high-functioning ‘party girl’ but secretly they know their drinking is taking away far more than what it’s giving them. They may be secretly battling feelings of shame, anxiety, and regret around their drinking.

Here are the 6 ways to support a grey area drinker who might be battling in secret…

1.    Educate Yourself

Understanding the complexities of alcohol addiction, including this grey area, is the first step towards providing meaningful support. Educate yourself about the signs and symptoms, risk factors, and treatment options associated with alcohol misuse. This knowledge will help you approach the situation with empathy and a better understanding of what your loved one is going through.

Remember, grey area drinking is a lifestyle for many in a culture that promotes and celebrates drinking. So, approach the topic gently.

2.    Offer a judgment-free space

When someone is battling grey area drinking in secret, feelings of shame and guilt often dominate their thoughts. Create a safe and non-judgmental space for them to open up about their struggles. Assure them that your intention is to support and not to judge. By providing a compassionate environment, you enable them to share their story and seek help without fear of judgment, shame or rejection.

3.    Encourage open and honest communication

Encourage open and honest communication by actively listening to their concerns, fears, and experiences. Avoid jumping to conclusions or offering unsolicited advice. Instead, be a compassionate sounding board, allowing them to express themselves without interruption. By fostering a sense of trust and understanding, you create a strong foundation for their recovery journey.

4.    Suggest you find support together

While many grey area drinkers are able to regain control on their own, others may need extra support from a community and professional help. Encourage them to seek help from a grey area drinking coach, an addiction specialist, a therapist, or a support group. Join my Women’s Wellbeing Collective on Facebook as a start.

Remind them seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a courageous step towards freedom and personal empowerment.

5.    Promote healthy coping mechanisms

Grey area drinkers often turn to alcohol as a way to cope with stress, anxiety, or other emotional challenges. Help them explore healthier alternatives to managing their emotions. Suggest engaging in activities they enjoy, like exercise, mindfulness, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones. Encourage them to build a support network outside their drinking buddies, which can provide a more sustainable and fulfilling way of dealing with life's challenges.

6.    Be a reliable support system

Be prepared for setbacks and relapses along the way. Offer your continuous support by checking in regularly, providing encouragement, and reminding them that they are not alone in their journey. Celebrate their achievements, no matter how small, and remind them of the progress they’ve made along the way.

Supporting a grey area drinker who is battling in secret requires empathy, understanding, and a commitment to their wellbeing. By educating yourself, offering a non-judgmental space, encouraging open communication, suggesting professional help, promoting healthy coping mechanisms, and being a reliable support system, you can significantly impact their recovery journey.

To learn more about grey area drinking and my own story, go here. To learn about my coaching programs, you can check them out here.


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