What To Do When Your Partner Is AGAINST Your Sobriety.
Are you worried your partner is against your sobriety? You’ve noticed some snarky comments, raised eyebrows, and some serious doubt that you can stay sober? Your partner may have tried to undermine your efforts, guilted you or accused you of not being as much fun as you used to be… Partners can be our biggest triggers! So, how do you protect your sobriety from a partner who won’t stop triggering you?
Let’s dive in…
Your partner is against your sobriety? Here are the 5 reasons why this is happening – and what to do.
1. Your partner feels like you’re judging them
When you quit drinking those around you are given a mirror to look at their own relationship with alcohol. They may not want to look in that mirror. Partners may feel your new-found sobriety is a judgment on them, their lifestyle, and who they are.
Make sure you tell your partner your AF journey is about YOU, not them. Make sure they understand you are trying to control your own behaviour. Not theirs.
2. Your partner feels left out or left behind
If you’ve joined an inspiring, engaged group of sober women online you may suddenly have a lot to say about your new-found sober lifestyle. Your partner may feel either left out or left behind. He or she may feel like you’re moving on without them. Or that your AF journey is taking you in a whole new direction.
Ask for your partner’s support in your journey and welcome them into learning more about it. Share information with them and encourage them to be part of the journey with you. That includes finding new AF activities to do together like going to cafes instead of bars, and bushwalks instead of weekend benders.
3. Your partner is worried you’re going to change
Your partner may secretly enjoy having you as their drinking buddy. Or simply enjoy a boozy lifestyle you’ve shared in the past. Suddenly that’s gone. You’ve changed. They may be thinking – “What’s she going to change next?”
Reassure your partner while the booze has gone, you’re still around (and better than ever).
4. Your partner may feel jealous you have the courage and conviction to quit drinking
Often a partner’s criticism of quitting alcohol comes from jealousy because they can’t do it themselves. Encourage and inspire your partner by leading the way. Show by example what’s achievable, how it makes you feel, and encourage them (without being pushy) to try it out too.
5. Your partner might not understand drinking has been a problem for you
Your partner may say “You weren’t that bad! Why so extreme? You can have a few socially, surely!” Only you know the impact alcohol has on your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. Be honest with your partner about your relationship with alcohol and your decision to no longer drink.
Ask them what the experience of you being AF has been like for them. This is a great way to make them feel included in the AF journey. Invite them to be honest and open about how they feel about your drinking and their own.
P.S. If you’ve failed attempts to quit drinking, don’t beat yourself up. It’s not easy! Learn about my personalised programs here. Meanwhile, download my FREE guide 100 Things To Do Instead Of Drinking.
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