Why the People Closest to Us Are Our Biggest Triggers To Drink – And What To Do.
Why does it feel like the people closest to us are our biggest triggers to drink? Because they are! Our partners are often our drinking buddies OR they are the people in our lives who push our buttons and make us feel stressed and frustrated. Both are strong triggers to start drinking in their company.
So, what do we say to them? How do we tackle being triggered by the ones we love while also protecting our sobriety? Let’s dive in…
Why the people closest to us are our biggest triggers to drink…
1. They are former drinking buddies
Friends get used to you being the one to drink with. It might be the base of your friendship or your main shared activity. They are triggering because of the strong drinking associations you have with their company. It’s just something you’ve always done together.
2. They are a source of stress
You may love your partner but he or she may also be a source of irritation or stress. Often women will numb out a partner with alcohol or they will use alcohol to cope with feelings of frustration and unsatisfaction.
3. They don’t want us to change OR make them feel uncomfortable
Your drinking buddy – whether that’s a best friend or a partner won’t want you to change. You changing your relationship with alcohol will hold up a mirror to their own drinking and they may not want to look in that mirror. They’ll feel your sobriety is getting in the way or your relationship, your rituals, and the way you connect with each other.
So, how to tackle sobriety with the people closest to you?
1. Have your Why ready
The first question that pops up when you tell them you are sober is ‘Why?’ If you’ve always been a big drinker with your family for example, they may doubt how serious you are about your sobriety. Have your Why ready to go so you can easily and confidently give them an answer.
Your answer could be:
· I want to see how sobriety feels.
· This feels right for me, I’m taking it day by day.
· I want to see what impact not drinking has on my mental health and sleep.
· I’m giving myself a break from drinking for a while.
2. Expect some defensiveness
Sobriety brings up defensiveness in a drinker. Especially when it’s your partner or best friend. Your sobriety may bring on defensive comments like ‘I only drink on weekends. I only have a couple. I can quit whenever I want too, but I don’t want to!’ Remember, you are only in charge of YOU.
3. Try not to preach
It’s hard not to spill all the information about alcohol and its impact on health – physical and mental. Because our society is so alcohol-centric, people aren’t always happy to listen to the truth. Don’t preach.
4. There may be guilt and manipulation
You may be told by your best friend that two drinks a day is good for you. Or that red wine is full of antioxidants! That being sober is extreme, uncalled for and anti-social. That you should have AT LEAST ONE glass of champagne! Just stay calm and maintain your boundaries.
5. Keep talking
If you’re feeling threatened or scared, keep communication open and honest with your partner. Go for a walk together and ask, ‘How is it for you me not drinking?’ A partner might be worried you won’t be as close or that you will change, so keep talking and allow everyone to be heard.
Is it possible to inspire a loved one to quit drinking?
Yes! If you have supportive loved ones who watch as you successfully navigate long-term sobriety, you will inspire them. They may even want to join you!
P.S. If you need help giving up alcohol, or you’d just like to see what it feels like to take a break, join my 30-Day Alcohol-Free Challenge. A whole month of support, education, information, accountability, friendship, and me holding your hand every step of the way!