10 Tips for Navigating Friendships in Our 40s When One of You Is Alcohol Free

As we get older, our friendships change. Our circle gets smaller and tighter, and because time is more precious, we often spend time together enjoying a shared pursuit. That might include walking or going to yoga together.

For many, it means unwinding with a few glasses of wine. ‘Catching up for a drink’ or ‘Popping by for a drink’ is often how friendships are maintained in our 40s and beyond. Sometimes friendships that have been built on drinking, mean we only know each other in this setting. It feels familiar, comfortable, and habitual.

Until one of you goes alcohol-free.

The question, ‘What will we do together now?’ and ‘Will we still be friends?’ inevitably come up. A friend may be confronted by your decision and try to talk you out of it, she may stop inviting you to social events or casual catch-ups. You may not be sure you’re even friends anymore without a drink in hand…

So, here are 10 tips for navigating a friendship in our 40s when one of you is alcohol free…

1.    Empathy and Understanding

Getting sober is a brave decision that requires immense strength. Be there for your friend with empathy and understanding, as she faces both internal and external challenges during her sober journey. If you’re the one going alcohol-free, ask for what you need from your friend – understanding, encouragement, and support.

2.    Don’t stop talking

Honest and open communication is key to any enduring friendship. Sit down with your friend and have heartfelt conversations about your decision to get sober. Encourage her to share her feelings and fears while also expressing your own emotions and needs. Ask, ‘How does my not drinking impact you?’ and ‘What comes up for you?’

3.    Embrace New Experiences

Your socializing dynamics will inevitably shift with sobriety. Embrace new experiences that don't revolve around alcohol. Try bushwalking, morning coffee at a local café, art classes, or even cooking together to create meaningful memories.

4.    Respect Choice

Peer pressure has no place in true friendship. Especially as we get older! Respect your own decision to stay sober, and don’t allow your friend to push you into breaking your commitment. You both deserve respect for your own personal choices.

5.    Inclusivity Matters

When planning events or gatherings, consider everyone’s needs. Choose venues that offer non-alcoholic options and create an atmosphere that is inclusive and supportive of everyone’s personal decision to drink or not.

6.    Educate Yourself

Understanding the challenges and triumphs of sobriety can make a huge difference if you are supporting your friend's decision to go alcohol-free. Take the initiative to educate yourself about sobriety, addiction, and the recovery process.

7.    Be Mindful of Triggers

Certain situations may act as triggers for your friend during her sober journey. Be attentive and sensitive to her needs, creating a safe space where she feels comfortable and supported. If you are the friend going alcohol-free, be honest about triggers. It’s okay to plan a different catch-up with your friend if being at a bar or restaurant is too triggering.

8.    Celebrate Victories

Sobriety is a process filled with milestones worth celebrating. Celebrate your friend's progress, both big and small, with genuine enthusiasm.

9.    Patience and Forgiveness

Friendships evolve and change over time, especially when facing significant life decisions. Be patient and forgiving with one another as you both adapt to this new phase. A strong friendship will go beyond the bond of alcohol.

10.  Try out your friend’s sober lifestyle

If you find yourself inspired by your friend’s sober journey, join her! Keep each other accountable. Turn a bond based on wine into a bond based on sobriety. Watch your friendship grow.

Supporting a friend who chooses sobriety is an opportunity to deepen your bond and exemplify the true essence of friendship. By being compassionate, communicative, and open-minded, you can navigate these changes together, fostering a resilient and enduring connection.

If you or a friend need some support in changing your relationship with alcohol, check out my coaching programs here. I’d love to support you. My Rediscovering Me program kicks off on Monday, July 31.